Owing to the current
There is a glut of words.
We are left with no choice. We must
Make challenging efficiency savings
To reduce our expenditure of vocabulary
To sustainable levels.
In order to help us
To achieve our targets
The verb to say is withdrawn from circulation.
Its meaning can be adequately conveyed
Through the use of to be like
Or to go.
Adverbs are a luxury. It is unfortunate
That because of the credit crunch
We can no longer afford them.
Adjectives already perform many of their tasks.
The new arrangements merely regularise
Existing good practice.
Negative forms act as a brake
On economic recovery. A carefully managed programme
Of quantitative easing
Will introduce additional affirmatives
Which used in pairs will stimulate growth.
Language is an asset. And like all assets
It must deliver value. One hundred thousand words
Are far more than any modern society requires.
A twenty-five per cent reduction
Over the next five financial years
Will place our language on a sustainable footing
Fit for the twenty-first century.
The Minister of State for Doing Your Bit
Was like, “Everyone must do their bit
And speak proper.”